butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
