My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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