Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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