Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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