i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
either way he was missing a nipple.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
