Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
