i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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