i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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