Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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