Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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