garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
