Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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