Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
