My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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