they said they heard you say put it in my butt
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
