Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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