He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
