i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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