At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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