What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
