I could make wine with my vomit
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
