Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
