im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
