wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
