I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
