sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
