i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
