I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
