HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think I just sharted jello shots
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
