Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
