i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
