The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
