He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
