I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I yelled at your uterus for you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
