Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
