new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
