Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
