I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
