Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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