idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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