I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
