At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
