If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
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