The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
