I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
