When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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