I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's blow job season.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
