Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i now understand why vodka
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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