I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The struggles of a small town man whore
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
