So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
