careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
