Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
